You Might Think (1984) - The Cars
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Chocolate Is The Super Hero Of Snackz

 

by Zim

"...For rizzle, yo.  I'm serious!  If you find a melted Twix in your car, what are you going to do? ---

 

Right?  Most people will throw it out, but I ain't most people.  I'll tell you what to do with that shizzle.  You bring it home and put it in the fridge.  Let it be until it solidifies.  Trust me.  It's sooo good.

I'm not gonna lie.  I discovered this gem of a concept in college while on a copious amount of that green crop that -- while not exactly legal in this state -- is gaining momentum.

Anyway, I left my Hershey's bar in the car and it was decimated when I got back.  It literally felt like a bag of silly puddy.  I was so stoner sad.  But, on that college budget, I couldn't simply buy another one.  I had to get creative.  So, I threw it in the fridge and prayed.  

 

Chocolate is a freak of nature!  My prayers were answered ten-fold!  That Hershey's came back stronger and better, with augmented physical features that blew my mind.

 

I honestly think it could be a thing.  A phenomenon.  Follow me down a stretched rabbit hole, if you will.  Some Midwestern housewife, let's call her Betsy, whose husband -- she suspects -- is having an affair with the church receptionist decides to rekindle her passion for fresh batch chocolate making.  She signs up for the appropriate class at the 'Y' and in a heartbeat she feels better.  One afternoon, she accidentally leaves her chocolate barz on the windowsill too long and is tormented when they melt.  Tensions have been running high with her husband -- he's the town's minister by the way -- and now this!

But Betsy needs her chocolate fix, so after letting the chocolate cool on the kitchen table, she eats it anyway.  Her head pops up with determination.  She decides to craft randomized chocolate candiez -- each with a varied consistency, awkward size, and delectable flavor profile and mouth vibe.  Why's it always got to be a square or a block?  The bar is throwback chocolate!   

 

Betsy takes her treatz to the Sunday green market, meets a wealthy investor/fan -- who she ends up banging after confirmation that her husband was in fact balls deep in the receptionist -- and markets her Chocolate Wonderz nationwide.  Betsy is banking!  Boom!  Done deal..."

June 2017