by Beer Man
"...We found the perfect pub, fellaz! I ordered a round of cheesesteak spring rollz and Guinesses for the table. Don't overthink it. The rollz are amazing -- they whiz the plate like it's a gourmet sauce! Phenomenal! It's new Philly!
Look no further for the authentic experience! Here's how I know: I was here last night and ordered some beerz at the bar. Took my time putting away my shiz and some weirdo -- who just a few secondz earlier was making out with what looked like his mother -- thought I was stealing someone else's beerz. This schmuck actually grabbed my full pint glass and would not let go. I was like, "Hey dood!" [Zim doses medical THC.]
Ends up that the bartender sees what's happening and tells this schmo what's what in his characteristically Philly way. It sounded so sweet if you only listen to his words, but his Philly glare made it clear there was no room to wiggle. Unhand that beer! I was saved! Makes me wish I was Irish!
Better yet! Irish Schmirish! [Beerz arrive serendipitously.] Cheers, matez!..."